Kristen vs. Lindsay: Barfday

Kristen: Happy barfday! 
Lindsay: Barfday was two weeks ago. Nice try snarky.
Kristen: It's barfday everyday!

Lindsay: Especially for you upchuck.

Kristen: Especially for you, ugly.

Lindsay: You're right, seeing you spew is pretty ugly.

Kristen vs. Lindsay: Foot Fattening and Elbow Stink

Kristen: Do you have foot fattening or elbow stink?

Lindsay: No. Quit comparing your oddities to me. Have fun with your foot fattening and elbow stink.

Kristen: Rude!

Kristen vs. Lindsay

Lindsay Rose: Hooray!

Profile Picture Analyzer!

I analyzed my picture and got this result!

Sexy: 135%

Beauty: 98%

Cool: 19%

Smarts: 56%

Kristen: These numbers are horribly incorrect. According to math and science, you cannot be above 100% sexy. You can be 100% or lower in sexiness, or any other category. Now, we all know you can't be 135% sexy, 98% beauty, 79% cool and 56% smarts all at the same time for the total obviously exceeds 100%. I have, however, come up with a solution for you. I added all these numbers together which totaled 368. I took that number and divided it by four, to get the average percentage which was 92. So, what I am saying is that 92% of you is sexy, beauty, cool AND smarts. The other 8% is air. I hope that my calculations can satisfy both you and mathematics and the same time. Good day.

Lindsay: I'm afraid that I analyzed your photo and everything came back as 0%. I added up all of your numbers and your average was 0%. I have never seen scores this low. The old lady from Titanic got a higher score than you. Sorry for your sadly depressing low score.

Sincerely,

Lindsay

Kristen: With which system did you use to tally this score? I'm afraid that your machine and/or system is faulty. I know that because I sent an infrared scan into your computer, which shot out the USB port. It scanned the contents of your mind and surrounding area, and determined that you are not accurate in your analysis. I'm sorry that you are not as scientific or mathematic as the average genius. I'm afraid I will have to report this to the Scientific Mathematic, Art Resolution Team (SMART). In the best of circumstances, your genius ID card will be revoked. At worst, you face a minimum of 5 years in a corrections facility. Perhaps you can get out early for good behavior.

Good luck,

Dr. K-Town Goodyface.

Lindsay: I'm afraid that there has been a technical issue with your scanning device as when it was analyzed the only thing in the room was a teddy bear and some Tic Tacs. My computer is now immune to any scanning devices, throw up, and it us water proof. I also attatched fins on my computer so I can look up structures of the ear and hunting licenses while I am under water, training mermaids the proper method to tail swimming.

Sincerely,

Lindsay

Kristen: Thank you for proving in your post that you are not genius material. Your grammar is atrocious. This will also be reported to SMART. They do not look kindly upon those that imitate geniuses. It is a capital offense. I'm afraid the corrections time will be upped. I'm truly sorry for you and your terrible misuse of this wonderful language.

Your pal,

Prof. Smarty SmartSmart 

Lindsay: I used my iPod to post that comment and as I have horrendously huge fingers it is very hard to work with such small buttons.

Sincerely,

Lindsay

Kristen: Well, every genius knows to check their work.

Lindsay: I apologize as I expect technoloy to obey my thouhts as I have programmed my computer, Wii, and tv to do so. I have not yet programmed my iPod to read my thoughts as it takes 6 weeks of training the device to do so.

Sincerely,

Lindsay

Kristen: I am unsure if this was on purpose, but you misspelled 'technology' and 'thoughts'. Any genius knows how to train their products in under one hour. Your genius status was obviously a fake. Please deny the statement that you are a genius, and I am sure your prison time will be reduced ever so slightly.

Yours,

Justice of the United States Supreme Court Krunketykrunk 

Lindsay: I'm afraid that every genius society has revoked you as a member as you must know that all touch technology takes six weeks to bend touch technology to your will. Without this knowledge you cannot pass the genius status standardized test as this knowledge was given to you so you are no longer eligible to even take the standardized test. If you have taken a test without this question, then it is a fake standardized test, and therefore does not have the official genius standardized test watermark.

Sincerely,

Lindsay

Kristen: Nice try, Ms. Run on sentences.

Love,

Scientist Rodeo Woman K-face.

Lindsay: Run on sentences are an example of moving forward without stopping. Every genius knows that, but as you do not fall into that category you wouldn't know.

Sincerely,

Lindsay

P.S. They are not called run on sentences by the way. They are called future lines.

Kristen: I am sorry to inform you that, indeed, there are run on sentences. Even sub-par geniuses are aware of this fact. For your information, I am now president in full of SMART. I would appreciate you turning in your genius ID card peacefully. I would hate to resort to violence.

Go In peace,

SMART president kiss face Kristen.

Kristen: Speechless, eh? Just as I thought.

Lindsay: I'm afraid that the so called 'SMART' organization that you speak of does not exist. You are now a criminal due to the fact that you have created a secretive violent organization. Also as you have confessed to being the leader of the highly illegal group, you will be shot first.

Sincerely,

Lindsay

Peter: Wow, I'm getting a headache trying to follow this. Good thing I was never a genius. :)

Kristen: Well, I've never accused you of being a genius. Hahahahaha.

Lane vs. Lindsay

An email chat between my friend, Lane and I with images of what we are insulting each other with.

Lane: You slimy, snotty, poopy, stinky, chunky, sassy, ugly, incredibly bulky sea cow!

Lindsay: You lice covered garbage bag full of filth!

Lane: you wrinkly aardvark!!!!!

Lindsay: You cookie cutter shark!

Lane: You cow fish!

Lindsay: This is you:

Lane: You are a blobfish!

Lindsay: You naked mole rat!

Lane: You Philippine Tarsier!! 

Lindsay: You hideous monkey!

Lane: You star nosed mole!

Lindsay: You little Lorikeet!

Lane: You little Vundu Catfish!

Lindsay: You Sumatran Rat Monkey!!!

Lane: You Red Irish Lord Fish!!!!!

Lindsay: You Almiqui!

Lane: You AYE-AYE!!!

Lindsay: You death dog!

Lane: You Komondor!

Lindsay: Marilyn Manson!

Lane: You Chimaera Fish!

Lindsay: You hairy frog fish!

Lane: You Sphynx Cat!

Lindsay: You Seawolf fish!

Lane: You Lumpsucker fish!

Lindsay: You Viper Moray!

Needless to say, I won.

Facebook Chat: Lane

This is what Lane and I talk about on Facebook chat.

Lane: HA!

Lindsay: You laugh like a pig.
Lane: You laugh like a squealing walrus
Lindsay: You laugh like a pig being slaughtered
Lane: You laugh like a monkey who is being strangled with its own lanky arms
Lindsay: You laugh like a hippo being stepped on by an elephant.
Lane: You laugh like a slurping peacock who is being tackled by a massive cow
Lindsay: You laugh like a gorilla falling down a flight of stairs.
Lane: You laugh like a dog being hit in the butt with a chainsaw.
Lindsay: You laugh like a squirrel that got caught in a lawnmower.
Lane:  You laugh like a hyena being mauled by a tractor
Lindsay: You laugh like a bear that got shot in the butt with a tranquilizer dart while stepping into a bear trap
Lane: You laugh like a flamingo whose legs have been caught in a meat grinder
Lindsay: You laugh like a giraffe that got it's head caught in an alligator's mouth.
Lane: You laugh like a coyote who had its tongue cut off and shoved up its butt
Lindsay: You laugh like a walrus that had it's teeth smashed in by a train.
Lane: You laugh like a orangutan whose hair has been burnt off and has been drowned in glue.
Lindsay: You laugh like a hippo that sat on a rapid raccoon that had seventy rabid children.
Lane: You laugh like a cat whose tail has been wrapped around its eyes and thrown into a raging river of death.
Lindsay: You laugh like a dog that has had it's tail yanked by a wood chipper.

Lane: You laugh like a beaver who is smashed by a log and squished into little gut pieces.

Lindsay: You laugh like a pig that got squashed by the farm falling over.

Lane: You laugh like an alligator who is eaten by his cannibal alligator friends.

Lindsay: You laugh like a gay guy at a gun show.

Lane: You laugh like a deer who is smashed my a semi.

Lindsay: You laugh like a maggot that has been lit on fire.

Lane: You laugh like Miley Cyrus when she is singing.

Lindsay: You laugh like Justin Bieber when he sees little boys his age.

Lane: You laugh like garbage.

Lindsay: Really Lane? Really?

Lane: Yes really.

The end.

Farkle Trolling: Lollipop Lane

Lindsay: Hello.

Noreen: hi and gl

Lindsay: Thank you. How are you?

Noreen: i!m fine and u

Lindsay: Good. Even though an escaped rhino just mauled me.

Noreen: LOL

Lindsay: It's not funny! My ankles can touch the back of my head now.

Noreen: where was the rhino in your back yard?

Lindsay: No on the street.

Lindsay: In a dark scary alley.

Noreen: in which city

Lindsay: Tinseltown on Lollipop Lane. Why does it matter?

Noreen: not at all I just didn!T want to bump into him in my home town

Lindsay: I hit him in the head with a board and it died so it doesn't matter.

Noreen: thank you

Lindsay: For what? Killing a rabid rhino?

Noreen: very nice that makes up for the pain you suffered

Lindsay: Not really. He collapsed on my head.

Noreen: had fun bye

Lindsay: Whatever.

Opponent Left

Farkle Trolling: It Was Waiting For Me

Lindsay: Hello.

Deanne: hi, gl

Lindsay: Thank you and good luck to you.

Lindsay: How are you?

Deanne: on a loosing streak. otherwise pretty good

Lindsay: I see. A tree just fell on me.

Deanne: shut up..... really???

Lindsay: Um yes. Please don't tell me to shut up.

Deanne: sorry, 

how did that happen

Lindsay: A beaver that I pissed off chewed it down while I walked by.

Deanne: wow, that must have been one fast beaver

Lindsay: It was waiting for me.

Deanne: i hate when that happens

Lindsay: I know right! I mean I only hit it in the head with a brick

Deanne: gg, you are one tough girl

Lindsay: I'm not sure what that means

Opponent left.