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| "I was born to be a lunch lady." |
Skyrim. Named the game of the year by E3. Now it's in my filthy little meat hooks, and I've been devoting my life to it for months. My character is a Nord named Dean. Now Dean has acquired many followers during my gameplay; including Iona. Iona is a female with a voice like an upset stomach. She always said clever things such as, "Look a cave. There could be bandits in there. Or worse." She said this EVERY TIME she saw a cave, which was immensely annoying to me. On a quest you are required to command your companion to act as a sacrifice. Iona was my choice. Even though I had given her beautiful Daedric armor, I had had enough of her deep lesbian voice. I was tired of turning around to see her ugly mug looking back at me. She was the ultimate symbol of my deep found annoyance of her character. I don't know what crazy homeless lesbian they found to do her voice, but I hope they never hire this woman again. Every time I heard her voice my spine curled and my intestines growled like a chainsaw stuck in a fence. Iona raised all of these complex emotions inside of me. She stole my kills, she blocked doors, and always made obvious observations that a squirrel on acid could have seen. Here's the beautiful armor I gave to this horrible woman:
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| Gorgeous, no? |
Finally after weeks of traveling with Iona I killed her, and she was replaced by a perky young woman who is the House Carl in Solitude. She's happy, obedient, and quiet. Just like I like it.
Iona was voiced by Claudia Christian, who also voiced; Aels the Huntress, Legate Rikke, Adrianne Avenicci, Breya, Bryling, Faleen, Laila Law Giver, Uthgerd the Unbroken, Queen Potema, Voldsea Giryon, Zaria, Adelaisa Vendicci, Brina Merilis, And Sorli the Builder.
ReplyDeleteBut awesome Review