Evaluation of Communications 1050

This class was boring. The end.

Question: How can this class be improved?

My answer: It would really help if this class wasn't so repetitive. It was like being trapped in a box. A tiny little box. And all of the corners of that box are the exact same. You visit every corner and it's all the same. It's a different corner, but it is the same. (Mind blown. Ka-blooey!) Anyways, the point is all of the assignments were generally the same, and it made me tired. Tired and sad.

Question: What were the greatest strengths of this course?

My answer: I don't know. It's face?

Question: What were the greatest strengths of this instructor?

My answer: She seemed to have a super human ability to be nice to everyone, no matter how irritating the students could be. If anyone could be killed with kindness, this professor would be a serial killer.

Evaluation of Intro to Photography

I LOVED this class. The people....not so much.

Question: How can this class be improved?

My answer: There really isn't a lot to make this class better. However some people seemed to think that I wanted to hear their stories while I was developing/printing photos and that wasn't much fun. Once when I was printing photos, minding my own business, one of my classmates suddenly slapped my back and started laughing while saying, "just kidding!". I had no idea this person was even talking to me, so I politely fake laughed and tried to avoid further contact. Generally, I like to be left to my own devices and above all, I do not like to be touched. Ever. This really isn't something anyone has any control over, but I think some sort of do-not-touch-me device should be allowed, so awkward back slappings can be avoided.

Question: What were the greatest strengths of this course?

My answer: The smell of the developing chemicals. That was very strong.

Question: What were the greatest strengths of this professor?

My answer: I think his ability to make me more critical of my own and other people's pictures is his strength. I don't mean that I just see a photo and say, "Oh that's stupid. That person is stupid, and they take pictures of stupid things." I mean more like seeing what I or what others should have done to make the picture better, and use that for future reference when I take photos. Although some people really do take pictures of stupid things, but that's off subject. Anyways, this class was awesome sauce, and I am sure it will continue to be awesome sauce.

Evaluation of Math 1010

This class was full of idiots, and I curse them all.

Question: How can this class be improved?

My answer: It would really help if a bunch of simple minded folk would be quieter. It was really annoying to hear people complaining about how they're failing all of their "hard" classes. It was also really disgusting to see a guy in front of me eating sunflower seeds. I think Gollum eating fish was less repulsive. So to sum up, people need to be smarter and sunflower seeds need to be banned.

Question: What were the greatest strengths of this course?

My answer: I would have to say that the professors patience was the greatest strength. The things he was put through by some students would have driven me to the point of twitching eyeballs, furious finger tapping, teeth grinding, and angry eyebrow angles.

Question: What were the greatest strengths of this instructor?

My answer: Well like I said, his tolerance level is amazing. He would make an excellent negotiator in hostage situations.

Overrated People and Things that Don't Deserve It

I have no particular order for all this crap, but just know that everything here is overrated moon-poop.

Justin Bieber

I thought this was a really ugly lesbian at first.

I think this is a pretty obvious one. How has this kid NOT been assassinated yet? Or eaten by a pack of dogs? Seriously though, Bieber is probably more torturous for dogs than humans, and that is definitely saying something. Every time I see a photo of Bugly (my nickname for Bieber), it makes my pupils reduce to venomous little pin-pricks of hatred. How is this ugly little snot famous? As far as I'm concerned, a bag of hamsters thrown into a wood-chipper is more pleasing to listen to than Bugly.

Twilight

Umm which one is the guy?

Twilight is stupid to put it simply. Vampires everywhere have been insulted by this series, and for a good reason. It's like a dragonfly. You take something really stupid (like a stone faced gargoyle girl, and an obvious pervert) and combine it with something cool (like vampires) and hope that the cool part (vampires) makes everything else cool. Failure. Absolute terrible FAILURE. They also made werewolves look stupid. Here is a lesson to everyone:

This is a vampire. They will beat the soul juice out of you.

This is a sad disco ball with a drug problem. It's best if we just leave it to die.

Michael Jackson

"People are in color now?"

Why does this guy have so much cred? He looks like a poorly molded mannequin that is stuck in a corner wearing an ugly sweater with awkward arm angles. 

"Thrilllllerrrrrrr...."

His nose more specifically looks like it is permanently pressed against glass. Honestly, this chalk-faced goon is something you would see in old cartoons where only the characters' eyes move. I can understand why he was popular back in the day when he was a cute little kid that made some pretty sweet music, but he is more popular now that he is dead, ugly, and gross. This guy is child molester! Don't you remember when he dangled a baby off of a balcony?! Whatever. The point is, stop glorifying this guy. 

Lady GaGa

Abducted eyebrow syndrome

Lady GaGa used to be kinda cool when she first became popular, but eventually she just became too weird. With the shoulder pads, meat suits, and egg entrances she kinda became too much. Too much crazy. Plus her music sucks, and her music videos make no sense at all. I honestly think that GaGa has some sort of mental disorder where she is so desperate for attention that she covers herself in glue and rolls around in a random assortment of things until it slightly resembles clothes. I call this GaGa Spiral Psychosis. Hear that WebMD? I have a new disease for you to diagnose everyone with!

Evaluation of Nutrition 1020

All you should know, is that I hated this class.

Question: How can this class be improved?

My Answer: Well the first improvement would be if this class was not a Nutrition class. I prefer to eat like a pig and move as little as possible, so I felt pretty bad about myself when I studied for this class. It would also be cool if there weren't 10 billion tests that made the bags under my eyes so big, I thought that my head would fall in. If anything, this class made my nutritional status worse since I had to study all of the time and was only able to eat fast-food, snacks, and Pepsi. In fact, Pepsi was the majority of what I consumed this semester since it doesn't require any special attention, like all of these recommended healthy, I-won't-end-your-life-suddenly foods. Personally, I would rather die early and happy and leave a beautiful cholesterol ridden, fat, and sodium filled corpse. Also, leaving a giant corpse would make an effective zombie in the event of a zombie apocalypse. I would definitely be remembered.

Question: What were the greatest strength of this course?

My Answer: It's emphasis on how common constipated preschoolers are.

Question: What were the greatest strengths of this instructor?

My Answer: There really wasn't much interaction with the instructor, other than me emailing her when she forgot to grade my assignments, so I'm a bit unsure. However, I do have some advice for her. SHORTEN THE FINAL STUDY GUIDE. When I finished my study guide for the final it was 17 pages long. 17. Pages. Long. Also some of the questions on it were unclear and successfully made my brain begin to rebel against me. I mean it threw an all out riot in my skull asking me things like, "why are you doing this to me?", "why aren't we playing Skyrim?", and the most prominent question/complaint was, "Do I have to?". My eyes also began rebelling, as when I started to study they immediately glazed over and wouldn't focus properly, like a camera lens slathered in bloodhound slobber. So I guess to put this all in English my advice is to make studying a little bit easier and ask clearer questions, so there is no more organ rebellions.

5 Fashion Fads that Need to Die

There are so many options of what to wear in this modern world of ours. Some of those options are terrible and need to be destroyed. Here is a list of clothing items that need to die, and never be spoken of again.

Ponchos

Ponchos may have been cool back in the day when you could stuff them full of marijuana, bongs, and ukuleles, but now they're just stupid. Anyone wearing a poncho immediately puts any drug dogs in the vicinity at high alert, as ponchos generally mean you have a marijuana sauna going on underneath. Plus, you just look stupid. And I mean like, REALLY stupid.

Overalls

Whenever I see someone casually wearing overalls, I immediately think that they are a reclusive serial killer that keeps dead bodies in the freezer as trophies, and owns a big ugly slobbering dog that eats the bones of the victims. Especially if they are barrel chested and have a weird beard and marble eyes. Honestly, very few people can get away with wearing overalls. Mainly day laborers. If you're an old man with a creepy beard, or an old lesbian woman who smokes, please do not wear overalls unless you really are a murderer. Overalls are usually a good indicator of whether or not you are going to be killed and eaten by a slobbering hound from Hell.

Suspenders

This one is a little iffy. Some people look really cool with suspenders, but then there are those who look like a corpsey old man (see left) or a pedophile. (Or both) Before you wear suspenders, please ask a brutally honest person (like myself) if you look like a corpsey old man and/or a pedophile. Suspenders are a tread carefully clothing item so please, if you are ugly, creepy, and/or fat do not wear suspenders.

Crocs

If you are over the age of 12 and under the age of 85, please do not wear Crocs. They are ugly, and they make you look stupid. These are probably one of the ugliest "styles" I have seen in my lifetime, and I am a 90s child. That's really saying something. Crocs look bad, and if you wear Crocs, you should feel bad.

Ugly Hats
You would think that people would be smarter than this, but alas stupid always seems to prevail. It's bad enough when people voluntarily wear ugly hats, but they cross the line when they make their poor children wear ugly hats. (See above) This is a terrible problem that I really think someone should start a charity for. They proceeds would go to a responsible non ugly hat wearer in the child's life, so they could use that money to buy the child non ugly hats. Sounds good right? I thought so too.

5 Annoying Facebook Photo Fails

These annoying photo poses on Facebook really make me want to grind bones and pull out teeth and poke out eyes, and other ogre like behavior. These are not in any particular order.

1. Duck Face

The expectation:


The result:


Gross right? I think rather than "duck face" they should rename it to "syphoning gas" face, because this expression looks as if it gives you some good suction. Or perhaps they should change it to "sucker fish" face, because you could really suck up bacteria from your tank with this glorious expression.

2. Taking pictures of yourself in a mirror, thinking that you are attractive

The expectation:


The result:

Why? Why do people do this? Although these kinds of pictures sometimes do bring out hilarious comments (as shown above) but that doesn't fix that you are scarred for life by a picture happy hippopotamus in tent sized clothing, that still manages to be too small.

3. 'Wonderful' drawings by the Facebook user

The expectation:

The result:

Don't we all just love delusional 'artists'? They are so...gifted? Anyways, some people have very warped definitions of what talent is. If you're drawing a lion, it's probably not a good sign if people confuse it with an angry sun.

4. 'Photographers'

The expectation:


The result:

Yeah, that's a really nice blur you got there. Golly, that's the best lookin' blur I've seen all week!

5. Being Gangster

The expectation:


The result:

I love having Chubsy Snakeface and The Albino Potsmoker as my neighborhood gangsters.

Evaluation of Social Problems by Lindsay

The teachers name is Logan Reid. He looks like Ezio from Assassin's Creed Revelations.

Question: How can this class be improved?

My Answer: This class could be improved if the desks were a tad bit more comfortable as the class is super long. One's bottom gets sore. Also, get rid of the country music. It rips my soul in two and twists it like someone ringing out a wet rag. It would also help if some of the other students would talk faster and get to the point. I suggest using some sort of whip to crack over the students' head.

Question: What were the greatest strengths of this course?

My Answer: The professor always dressed nice, which made me feel like I should be at some sort of ballroom dance, sipping on champagne and Sprite while talking about the adverse effects of the war on the economy in a British accent and chuckling politely at the appropriate times.

Question: What were the greatest strengths of this instructor?

My Answer: For one, he had great stories. Also he handed out candy when we took the final, which is the key to winning over my glutenous heart. We did however have a lot of assignments, which kinda made me feel like a drug dealer with too many clients. However that is a great example of a social problem, so I guess I did learn something besides what the best food was out of the vending machine in the hallway.

Evaluation of Nutrition by Lindsay

My professors name is David Hall. Avoid him like the plague.

Question: How can this class be improved?

My Answer: Well this class has a multitude of terrible terrible problems. The tests were impossible as the correct study guides were not provided. The assignments said to do one thing, and the professor said to do another, and whatever way you chose to do it was wrong. I did try in this class, until I realized that it was impossible and not even the great detective Batman could figure it out. Overall this class was awful. I learned absolutely nothing other than to avoid this professor for the rest of life, which is magnificently shorter due to the unnecessary stress this class caused. I believe that I have now ruined the shower in my apartment as this class caused my hair to fall out in large clumps, so the drain looks like a nest of spiders lives in it. At the end of this class I have lost 40 years of my life and three fourths of my hair. Bravo Mr. Hall. Bravo.

Question: What were the greatest strengths of this class?

My Answer: The greatest strength of this class was the brute force that failure used to slap me in the face. Overall this class was grotesque and offensive. My depression has now deepened to the level of eating 40 pounds worth of cheese and pepperoni each day. Now I am fat, angry, and depressed. I had just bought about a dozen pair of jeans before this class and now my wide bottom can't squish into any of those pants due to this class. So not only has this course made me fat, angry, and depressed, it has also made hundreds of dollars go to waste on pants that I can't get past my thick thighs.

Question: What were the greatest strengths of this instructor?

My Answer: His greatest strength was busting out the elastic in my sweat pants. His glasses looked pretty powerful though.

My Evaluation of the Stupidest Class Known to Mankind

The class that I was evaluating is LIB 1010 which is supposed to teach people how to cite papers properly. Here is my evaluation:

Question: In what ways will this class assist you in your academic, career, and personal goals?

My answer: Well the fact is, this class was completely pointless as all good English classes teach all of this material within a few days, instead of a whole semester. I already knew how to cite a paper, but didn't test out, as the test out option is nearly impossible, like climbing a building with suction cup arrows, and the questions made as much sense as digging for UFOs. As for my personal goals, I don't form many goals about citing a paper. Rather I set goals such as how many cookies can I fit in my mouth at once, and making a Mutant Ninja Turtle hockey team.

Question: What were the greatest strengths of this class?

My answer: I think that the strongest point is how significantly rude the coordinator of this course is. She treated me like I ran her cat over with a lawn mower repeatedly, while smoking the ashes of her dead father.

Question: How can this class be improved to enhance student learning?

My answer: Well first off, the coordinator could be less hateful and bitter like an old divorced widow with 16 cats and a shotgun. Also this class shouldn't be a pass or fail class, as getting the required score on the test-out/final is quite high. If people want to learn how to cite, they can take an English course. I don't think you really need a whole course teaching students how not to steal material, as that is like teaching a fish how to breathe underwater successfully. There are websites that cite sources for you, so this class is comparable to looking up how to watch videos on Youtube. 

Question: What, if anything, surprised you about this class or about information literacy?

My answer: Well it wasn't too much of a surprise since this is my second time taking this class, since the first time I took it I missed the passing mark by 8 points. 8 POINTS! Now I am forever bitter and resentful towards this class, because one website taught me more about citing than this class ever could.

Question: Other comments or suggestions you would like to make?

My answer: It needs more bacon.

Movies with Lindsay: Cloverfield

Ah Cloverfield. This movie is great. But that's because it ended exactly how I wanted it to. But more of that later. This movie is about a group of people that try to survive a monster attack on Manhattan. Here's the cute little monster:

"I can pick my nose with my teeth!"

This movie was great because everyone died. I have always wanted to see a movie where everyone dies in the end, so I was super happy with the ending, as I kept hoping everyone would die sooner than they did. The characters are whiny and annoying, so the monster really did viewers a favor by killing them. My problem with this movie is that the military bombed the monster, and that just pissed it off. BOMBS EXPLODE MONSTERS. That's the rule that they broke in this movie, which was stupid. I mean, c'mon bombs are bombs. It's not like they were throwing toothpicks at it. But whatever. They died, so I'm happy.

Video Games with Lindsay: Skyrim (Xbox 360) Part 1

"I was born to be a lunch lady."

Skyrim. Named the game of the year by E3. Now it's in my filthy little meat hooks, and I've been devoting my life to it for months. My character is a Nord named Dean. Now Dean has acquired many followers during my gameplay; including Iona. Iona is a female with a voice like an upset stomach. She always said clever things such as, "Look a cave. There could be bandits in there. Or worse." She said this EVERY TIME she saw a cave, which was immensely annoying to me. On a quest you are required to command your companion to act as a sacrifice. Iona was my choice. Even though I had given her beautiful Daedric armor, I had had enough of her deep lesbian voice. I was tired of turning around to see her ugly mug looking back at me. She was the ultimate symbol of my deep found annoyance of her character. I don't know what crazy homeless lesbian they found to do her voice, but I hope they never hire this woman again. Every time I heard her voice my spine curled and my intestines growled like a chainsaw stuck in a fence. Iona raised all of these complex emotions inside of me. She stole my kills, she blocked doors, and always made obvious observations that a squirrel on acid could have seen. Here's the beautiful armor I gave to this horrible woman:

Gorgeous, no?

Finally after weeks of traveling with Iona I killed her, and she was replaced by a perky young woman who is the House Carl in Solitude. She's happy, obedient, and quiet. Just like I like it.

Video Games with Lindsay: Surviving High School (iOS)

This game is incredibly dramatic. You do one wrong thing and it haunts you for the rest of the gameplay. So I created my character by the name of SlickWilly and decided to do EVERYTHING wrong. And by everything I mean everything. First the introductions:

"I'll comment on your name later."

First we meet Beth; the all around American cheerleader. Blond, blue eyed stereotypical girl. Of course. Then here comes SlickWilly. Greasy haired SlickWIlly. He tries to make a move on Beth immediately because SlickWilly is slick like a perverted little snake. Here's how it went down:

Of course SlickWilly picked option number 2.

She got upset for some reason.

This kept going for a while until tactful SlickWilly said this:

Nice save.

Little miss muffet replied:

He's always had that effect on people. Even his mother.

SlickWilly has always been suave. Later the little scum got in a fight for attempting to hit on blue eyes. After being repeatedly punched in the stomach, he was supposed to register for classes, when the helpful counselor said this:

Sounds like my high school counselor. Except I was the one doing the beating.

After registering for three, count 'em, three whole classes SlickWilly went to his first class. English. SlickWilly was greeted by the high school jock.

Handsome, no?

After the little nerd informs SlickWilly that there is a quiz every Monday (for some cruel reason) SlickWilly informed 'Spud' that he knew about the quizzes already. This went over extremely well.

Snot nosed little bozo.

It was then time for SlickWilly's first quiz. This was the teacher's general reaction to SlickWilly and his slick ways of life. 

"Just like marijuana farms!"

Here is the result of SlickWilly's quiz:

SlickWilly is the brightest of the bunch.

Interviewing Kristen

So I needed to interview someone for my Communications class so I chose to interview Kristen. Here is her responses (in red):

Why did you choose this career path?

Good question. I decided to be a cat food tester because really, I get to try out awesome food and get paid a bundle for it. And it’s really nice I get to try the new flavors before anyone else does! How exciting is that?

Why do you feel that Criminal Justice is important society? What does in contribute or take away from society?

Well sir, I feel that the CJ system is totally not important at all. I think we should have no rules.

Who is your biggest inspiration?

Murry from Sesame Street. He is that fluffy orangish red guy if you didn’t know. Sometimes, his arms are uneven. Like he is wearing a shirt but one arm is like half a foot higher than the other, you know?

Who or what inspired you to pursue this career?

That would have to go to Ovejeta—Murry’s sheep on Sesame Street. I don’t understand a word s/he says. Actually, now that I am writing this, I have no idea what gender that sheep is. Weird.

What parts of your life have influenced you the most in your career?

I actually don’t remember much of my life so I guess yesterday.

What is your goals in your career choice?

To grow cat whiskers like all my other colleagues.

What do you want people to gain from working with you?

A sense of happiness yet fear at the same time. If people were always happy where would we be? We would be thirsty! Very thirsty!

Is there anything else you want to add?

Yes, just one thing….MEOW!!!!

Video Games with Lindsay: Cause of Death Episode 1

Cause of Death. What can I say. This game is very fun and massively addicting. Here is the first episode in review.

You start off as the murderer's victim, which is always an empowering position. Once you run away from the murderer's lair you discover that you are on the deck of a ship. You are then given a choice. Threaten the murderer of plead with him. I chose to threaten him and the snarky little jerk replied with this:

Thanks a-hole. 

I mean he could be a little nicer. But I guess that's a murderer for you. Since this wasn't flattering my soon to be dead character had quite the insult up her sleeve.

Clever right?

Since the little dummy can't win her life with words, this happened:

The cries of the dead little sea lion.

The next day, little sea lion is found floating around by some sea heathen and is reported to the police. You then play the game as Detective Mal Fallon, who goes to examine corpsy the clown and is bombarded by a woman taking pictures. You are then given two choices of what to say:

I think the best choice is obvious.

The rude woman rudely shut you up and introduces herself as:

Mr. Fallon asks if he can call her Nat for short and he gets this reply:

"Let me stab you in the stomach while I'm here."

Rude. So very rude. After a while you receive a lead to a club. On the drive "Special Agent Williams" and Mal have a great conversation. Mal discovers that "Special Agent Williams" pissed off her boss, and as punishment she has to work on the case in the game. Mal tactfully asks his burning question:

Nailed it.

There wasn't really anything else of note in the first episode of this game. Overall, I liked this episode and plan to play more. Stay tuned for the review of the second episode! Over and out. (Kachow!)

Movies with Lindsay: Toy Story 3

Because I live with a small child, I have seen this movie a million times. I could seriously write the script from memory. But, for a review I have several favorite moments and characters in this movie. The first: the drunken lazy eyed baby that lives in the bathroom.

"I know nothing but pain."

This baby is seriously the worst toy ever. I mean look at it's face! Who wants a lazy eyed hungover baby that can turn it's head around in a matter of milliseconds? The picture above almost makes the big ugly baby appealing. Let's try this one:

"I know where you keep the gun."

Creepy right? The next problem that I find with this film is the scene where Lotso is thrown into the dumpster and one of the stupid alien toys gets caught in the dumpster somehow. When Woody releases the dumb little toy, Lotso mysteriously grabs Woddy's ankle. I assume that the evil bear is some sort of witch and can levitate, using his walking stick as a wand.

"I'll curse your children!"

I also love in the dumpster scene where Lotso punches the big drunkard of a baby with his cane (or wand as it is secretly known) in the stomach as hard as he possibly can. What would have made his cruelty even more real to the viewer is if the hungover infant would have projectile vomited onto Lotso. But that's just me. So that's that for this review. Overall Toy Story 3 is an alright movie. I liked it the first time I saw it, but now it has become a routine event in my life, so I no longer have any feelings towards it.