Guest Blog: Kristen's Visit to the Doctor

A note about this post: Recently, Kristen has told me a highly amusing tale about her visit to the doctor, and after asking/ bribing her with food (which she grabbed quickly and ran into a dark room like a flea bitten raccoon), she has agreed to write the story for this blog. Enjoy.

My entire life I have always had some sort of medical annoyance or injury going on. Nothing major ever, just an allergy to bubble bath here (which ruined my childhood) or an accidental self inflicted hammer injury to the knee there (thanks a lot, Lindsay). However, no matter the injury, no matter the illness, I always refused to go to the doctor. Even when I took a wall vent to the face, which looked a little like this:

Thankfully my important documents survived.

Or when I chopped my hand open on my mother’s birthday.

It may have been the worst birthday, but it was also the most exciting.

So it was a pretty big deal when I forced myself to go to the doctor after days of agonizing throat pain and a fever that just wouldn’t quit. I forced my then boyfriend Trent to drive me to the doctor. I figured it could double as a date cause I’m cheap like that.

The paper bag date was the only one that topped it.

So on we went to the doctor, with me wearing my entire winter wardrobe in the middle of a blazing St. George summer to try to ward off the chill I couldn’t escape. When we arrived, I had to fill out some paperwork. Which was nigh unto impossible in my chilled, trembling, low blood sugar haze of near death.

My known allergies.

Finally, after watching what seemed like the entire National Geographic catalog about elephants, we were admitted to the back. The doctor poked me in the neck with his doctor stick while muttering about white girls. Or gills. Or spots on my tonsils. I don’t really know. He decided I needed to stumble down to the blood drawing room of horror because, really, I hadn’t suffered enough.

Now, something I should note here, I have tiny veins. And when I’m nervous, my veins contract. When I’m cold, my veins contract. And here I was nervous and freezing, so I’m pretty sure my veins were the size of half a human hair at this point. The nurse looked at my both my arms, trying to figure out where my blood was. Finally, she just decided to poke me with the hope of finding blood similar to how one just digs hoping to find oil.

There be oil in them there veins!

After twisting and digging around she finally got a bit of dusty blood from me. The second the needle left my body, I bolted out the door in a panic looking for a bathroom in the unfamiliar building so I could upheave every scrap of upheavable upheavables. And then some.

Unfortunately, as stated above, the building was unfamiliar to me. At this point I was so desperate I started flinging open every door within sight. I finally couldn’t take it any more and picked a random door and ran in screeching as best as I could with my mangled throat “I need to puke! Help!”

A flustered woman in a white lab coat thrust a garbage can in my direction just in time. She and Trent stood there looking at each other awkwardly while I heaved. Once all of my organs were in the garbage can, she muttered something about getting some water while backing out of the door as fast as she could. Once she left, I took in my surroundings. It appeared I stumbled into one of those lab rooms where they look at x-rays. It was pretty dark in there. Either that or my vomiting broke my eyes.

The remainder of my day is something I don’t really remember. I’m fairly certain we went to say hi to my future mother in law, who worked in the building at the time. I’m fairly positive I laughed uncontrollably at inappropriate times during the conversation. And then maybe sobbed on the way home. I’m not sure. Honestly, to this day I still don’t remember if we went and got a prescription or if I even got a diagnosis. And that my friends, is why I don't go to the doctor.

Evaluation of Package Design

In this class we used a program called Blender to create 3D models and animations of various packages and relating objects. 

How can this class be improved?
One thing I would recommend is to teach Blender at the beginning of the semester, rather than at the end so people can have a little more time to figure out the basics. Since I greatly enjoy pushing buttons I figured out quite a bit on my own, but I think that teaching it sooner would be beneficial for those that are hesitant to slam their palm on the keyboard just to see what happens. 
Also, let me just say that I was greatly disappointed that the professor didn't bring his R2-D2 replica bot (replibot? Can we please call it that?) to class. If R2 could have somehow taught the class or at least do that one scream he does when he is shot, that would have made me massively happy. In case a recording for said scream is needed, may I just say that I do an excellent impression. Feel free to ask my siblings and neighbors if you need to. I'm sure that my neighbors enjoy hearing me imitate R2 screaming at 1:30 in the morning, and will give me a shining recommendation. 

What were the greatest strengths of this course?
I think that by using Blender in the class, it reminded us as designers to think of objects in a 3 dimensional way rather than as a flat object. It did for me anyways. I'm aware that other students hated Blender and it has possibly made them homicidal, but I think that introducing new software is a good way to teach students to adapt and think in a different way. Now that I have used Blender I see all animations differently, and it's a view I never would have obtained otherwise. 

What were the greatest strengths of this instructor?
He is extremely easy to get along with. He was great to work with, and was always more than willing to answer any questions. He also took my sassing really well. This is great because I usually manage to offend people rather quickly. He was good to sass back and poke fun at himself. This was good, because my main form of communication is insults that are not meant in an insulting manner. Well, depending on who you are anyways. He was also very knowledgeable about the subject he taught. You can tell that it is something that he is genuinely interested in, which makes him more effective as an instructor. 

Evaluation of Publication Design

Publication Design refers to designing things with multiple pages, like magazines and such. That is what this class focused on.

How can this class be improved?
This class was a lot of work. For the final project, I spent an average of 8 hours a day working on it for a week straight. This made me a little insane, and made me have a similar temperament to a rattle snake being poked with a stick. I think if we started the final project a little sooner this wouldn't have been as much of a problem. Or maybe I should manage my time better. I dunno. Between staring at the wall and drawing cartoon pyromanic pigs, my schedule is pretty full. If I could attach a photo of pyro pig, I absolutely would just to prove how busy I am. (For the purpose of this blog a photo of pyro pig is below. Fingers crossed they add a photo attachment option for class surveys in the future.)

You're welcome.

What were the greatest strengths of this course?
I liked that we had time in class to get constructive criticism from the professor and all the students. That helped a lot, and I feel that that helped move my designs in a better direction. I also feel like the printer should be given some credit. That printer was spitting out full color stuff all the time in multiple classes, and kept going strong. Someone really should award it with trophy of some sort. Or give it some ink or something. Whatever it is you give to well behaving printers. I've never owned a well behaved printer, so I wouldn't know.

What were the greatest strengths of this professor?
She related to the students well. She was easy to talk to and get advice from. I asked her a few times for some ideas for my designs, and she is very good at thinking of things on the spot. Her ideas for my designs always improved them in some way. I also liked that she kept a pretty relaxed environment in class while we were working. Nothing beats watching Anna Kendrick and John Krasinski lip sync battling while working on layouts. My hat is off to you, madame (I'm not actually wearing a hat, but we can pretend. I prefer we pretend it's a sombrero).

Evaluation of Prepress and Print Production

For those of you that don't know, Prepress and Print Production refers to preparing files for printing so they don't print out looking insane. This class focused on using Adobe InDesign, which is a program made specifically for page layout. 

In this class there was a particularly annoying student that everyone hated. I refer to her a few times in this survey. This particular student is a typical dumb blond stereotype. She has the brat voice and complained constantly, often about how she hates creating things even though she is studying to be a Graphic Designer. She also told the professor that she hated his class, and she tried to bribe the professor and other students to do assignments for her. 

How can this class be improved?
Well the first thing that comes to mind, is to not schedule it at 8:00 am. As a creature of the night this made me feel slightly homicidal, which made me snippy about assignments, and much less tolerable of my classmates. I'm thinking of one classmate in particular, but I'm fairly certain that the entire class has mutual feelings toward this particular individual. I feel like if this person had been thrown out or at least muzzled in some way, that would have improved the class. 

What were the greatest strengths of this course?
I actually learned a lot about print preparation, and I feel like I learned more about InDesign. I've gotten to the point where I feel physically ill when someone gives me a file that really should have been put together in InDesign. So I guess this course has given me a new source of nausea that most people won't understand, which further ostracizes me from the general public. But I suppose using the words nausea and ostracizes in the same sentence has a similar effect. 

What were the greatest strengths of this instructor?
His ability to refrain from punching students (well, one student. Let's be honest) directly in the face. Way to keep your job, sir!

The Omegle Adventures Part VII

A roundup of the highlights of my Omegle.com trolling for the evening. I suffered, so you better enjoy it.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: Hello

Stranger: hello there :)

You: Ew

Stranger: F, 18, from Virginia. wanna see~me~nakedd?? ;)

You: No. Do you have any chocolate?

Stranger: here's my priivatecamm ➞ 438279.NODIE.CC

You: I said no you ignorant slut.

Stranger: I'll put on a little ~xxxshow~ for you babe ;)

Stranger: ok, meet~me~there :)

You: Stop it. Answer the chocolate question.

Stranger: ~Ashley

You: Unless your chocolate is named Ashley, I'm not interested.

Stranger has disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: Hello

Stranger: hey, whats up?

Stranger: 17... f,

Stranger: do you want to kik me instead?

You: No

You: I wouldn't mind kicking you though.

You: See what I did there?

Stranger has disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: Hello

Stranger: hey, whats up?

Stranger: 17... f,

Stranger: do you want to kik me instead?

You: Oh it's you again.

Stranger has disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: Hello

Stranger: hiii

Stranger: M

You: Mountain?

Stranger: male here

You: Have you noticed how the letter M actually looks like a mountain?

You: Except for the McDonalds M of course. That's what happens when a mountain eats way too much saturated fat.

Stranger: Ohhh really u notice this

Stranger: great. ..

Stranger: chit I ya

You: Indeed.

Stranger: where u from. ...

You: I'm from Carb Mountain.

You: What's with all the dots after all of your sentences?

Stranger:

Stranger: heya

You: Oh well that clears everything up for me.

Stranger: u have any problems

You: Such as?

Stranger: why who r u???

Stranger: u have it... i don't care

You: I sense a cocaine addiction.

Stranger has disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: Hello

Stranger: hey

Stranger: what's your name

Stranger: ??

You: Zulu

You: Queen of the Dwarves

Stranger: ooo

You: And your name?

Stranger: pulea

Stranger: king of shadows

Stranger: :))

You: Your smiley face has a double chin. How very American of you.

Stranger: i'm not american

Stranger: =))

You: Well your smiley faces are clearly American. Their chins are a dead giveaway.

Stranger: i don't care about their double chin

Stranger: :))

Stranger: what movies do you like

You: I don't know right off. What about you?

Stranger: well i love adam sandler's movies so comedy types

You: I like anything Tina Fey is involved in.

You: Except for Admission. That movie was terrible.

Stranger: i didn't saw it

Stranger: but i'm waitting for this new one

You: Well I don't recommend you go 'saw' it.

You: Which movie?

Stranger: pfa

You: PFA?

Stranger: don't know it's name

You: Well who's in it?

Stranger: :))

Stranger: that's not the name of the movie

You: I assumed not.

Stranger: the cobbler

You: Hmm

Stranger: but i'm not sure of it

You: I see.

Stranger: hey do you have a facebook profile

Stranger: ??

You: Yeah.

Stranger: could you give it to me if you want

You: Why?

Stranger: maybe we'll talk and other times

You: You're not going to stalk me are you?

Stranger: from where

Stranger: :))

Stranger: roumania

Stranger: i think not

You: Internet stalking. It's a thing.

Stranger: well don't worry i don't know how to do that

You: I think I would rather not give you a link to my Facebook.

Stranger: oke

You: No offense.

Stranger: nope

You: Well good.

You: I think.

Stranger: :)

Stranger: why just to think

Stranger: it's fine

Stranger: i'm a stranger don't worry

You: I wasn't planning on it.

Stranger: :))

Stranger: what to give your facebook

You: What?

Stranger: you weren't planning for what

Stranger: and my answer was to give you facebook

You: Talking to you is like talking to a vomiting dictionary.

Stranger: well then i'll leave

Stranger: bye

Stranger has disconnected.

Evaluation of Media Management

How can this class be improved?
Well right off, I'd ditch all the ridiculous quizzes. Those forced me to memorize a bunch of junk I don't have any particular interest for, which means I remember none of it. The open book quizzes weren't much better, since I felt like every question was a trick. I don't think that's the point of a quiz. We're trying to learn stuff not get out of Wonderland. It shouldn't be tricky business. But what do I know? I've only been going to school for forever. 

What were the greatest strengths of this course?
The textbook was an excellent way to make me fall asleep/question every decision I have ever made in my life. I don't think that answers the question, but I don't care because it's a stupid question. 

What were the greatest strengths of this instructor?
He was really cooperative. He worked with me (and the other students) really well. He laughed at his own jokes though. That made me question his intentions. Not that that matters much. I just feel weird when people laugh at their own jokes when no one else laughs.

Evaluation of Criminal Profiling

How can this class be improved?
I personally didn't like that participation was required. But that's probably because I hate everyone, so don't take my word for it.

What were the greatest strengths of this course?
Well I now have the ability to profile everyone I meet. So clearly something was done right in this class. I've always been able to tell an idiot right away, but now I can tell that they're an idiot as well as diagnose the cause of them being an idiot (I'm fun at parties).

What were the greatest strengths of this instructor?
His teaching style encouraged actual learning instead of memorizing a bunch of junk just to get through a class. I learned a lot about myself and my motivation for things (usually sleep and avoiding the general public). He was extremely educated in the subject he taught, and that was obvious. Also, I could see him profiling me and the other people in the class when he spoke to us. It was great, because I knew right off that he knew that I am introverted and rude. Hats off to you Mr. Eschler. 

Evaluation of 2D Design

How can this class be improved?
I really liked this class. I will be completely honest. The teaching was excellent for a class like this. It was more about giving some direction to go in and creating something that was expressive of yourself. This was so refreshing from a lot of my other classes where the professor barks orders at you, and keeps your project to the letter rather than actually teaching us to use our brains and create something new. My one comment though for something that I didn't like; there was one weird lady with psychotic teeth that had an exorcism head that turned completely around to grin at me. That was really uncomfortable. So basically discourage weird teethed people from looking at me. 

What were the greatest strengths of this course?
Like I said, the teaching method was excellent. We were given constructive criticism, and it was presented in a way that didn't make you feel stupid or inadequate. We were given plenty of time for projects, and it wasn't overwhelming. I feel like a lot of classes like this are really easy to become overwhelming, but this one didn't. It was a lot of work, but I didn't feel like a Hebrew with a pyramid to build. 

What were the greatest strengths of this instructor?
His mustache is awesome.

The Internet Has Ruined My Future

I have a lot of homework to do this week as finals are coming up. So naturally that means I've been procrastinating and wasting a lot of time on the internet. My evening activities started with this picture:

Via Buzzfeed

That did it for me. I then spent about 30 minutes looking up the original painting to which I found more time wasting splendor. The painting is by Rembrandt, and I was browsing his other paintings to see if they were weird too. Here's what happened instead of homework.

Images via Wikipedia

My 5 Rules If You Want My Help With Your Crafties

I'm not sure why, but people often ask for my help/advice for their crafties. (Crafties-Artsy schmidt. I can't define it any clearer than that.) Let me tell you something right now. When you ask a Graphic Design major to help you, we need to set some rules. Agreed? Agreed. Anyways here are my rules for me helping you without ending up being homicidally annoyed by you.

1. Listen to my advice.
Not to sound superior or anything, but I have some pretty good advice. Because, ya know I'm only paying thousands of dollars to learn what colors look good and what fonts aren't stupid. If I tell you something about your font/colors/whatever you should probably listen. Because of the cheddar I'm tossing to help you not look like an idiot (notice how gangsta I am). If you're not gonna listen to me, fine. Don't ask for my help if you're not going to listen to me. Because then you are breaking my next rule.

2. Don't waste my time.
There is nothing more frustrating than spending hours on something for someone, only for them to tell you everything looks good and then they turn around and change everything. If you don't like something, tell me. I'm an art major. I'm really used to my stuff being critiqued. I'm extremely hard to offend, but am really easy to annoy. Keep that in mind, because I feel that is true of most designers/artists. I'm extremely busy doing nothing, so don't waste my obviously valuable time. Well, I do nothing and have panic attacks when I wake up and can't figure where or who I am(save me Lorazepam!). Really busy. 

3. Don't give me complete creative freedom.
By this I mean, don't give me some paper and say "draw something I like" without telling me what it is that you like. I'm not a mind reader. At least give me something general to work with, and I am more than willing to help you with the specifics if you're not painfully irritating. I need a direction to go in to create something for you that you will like. If it's just something I'm doing because I feel like it or it's an assignment then I am going by my preferences. I guarantee that your preferences are not the same as mine (unless you really dig cats wearing sunglasses. They think they're people!).  

4. Never ask me to replicate/use copyrighted material.
Guys. It's copyrighted for a reason. When you make something, and someone else claims that they did it, how are you not enraged? Your time and energy is put into something, but someone that likes it claims it as theirs. That is the worst. That applies to fonts, pictures, whatever. I am actually creating some fonts right now, and let me tell you something. They are hard and extremely time consuming. To use someone's font to sell something(or whatever) without giving them credit/money is crap. That's like saying, "Hey I really like this painting you did, and I'm going to take it and use it everywhere and give you zero credit without your permission." Some people are extremely kind and let you use/have their work without paying them anything or asking for credit to be given to them. Generally, I'm not one of those people. I want credit for the things I have done (except for ripping the towel rack off the wall that one time) just like everyone else. As a designer/artist I want credit for my work, so people will hire/commission me to do work for them. Because I need money for stupid things like food and medicine(I am deeply disturbed and must be medicated).

5. Don't be a jerk. 
If I'm (or someone else) doing something for you, you automatically owe them/me some respect. I could be staring at the wall and having a grand time, but I am using that time to help you. This pretty much applies to everything though. Do you really think that waitress wants to spend her time with you? Obviously not, since she's being paid, but she still has to put up with your crap. It's like that. The nicer you are, the more motivated I am to produce something of quality for you. If I like you, I will go beyond that, and I feel that is true for everyone. But if you're going to be a grouchy slut bag about it, I promise you will not get my best work. Nobody wants to feel unappreciated, and that especially applies to something that a lot of time is dedicated to. Overall, just don't be a jerk and I won't be one either.