A Night on the Town with Kristen and Lindsay

A few weeks ago my sister, Kristen and I went out for a little break from our terrible monstrously awful lives. We went to the movie Immortals (movie review: http://nerdyshirt.blogspot.com/2011/11/movies-with-lindsay-immortals.html) and grabbed a bite at Subway. First our experience with Immortals. We saw this movie in 3D so we were given those classy stylish nerdy sunglasses.

The attractive hot date snatchers.

The second that we walked into the theater Kristen and I both noticed something. There were three other people besides us to see the movie. Three ancient other people. Honestly, all three were horribly old people. What were they doing at a movie like this? Who knows? Perhaps they thought that the shirtless Henry Cavill on the promotional poster indicated a good rebellious movie to go to on their escape from the old folks home.

The grandpas and grandmas from Hell.

After the initial shock of the Jurassic people we were going to see the movie with, we headed up the stairs. Kristen pounded her way to the top, shocking the fossils in their seats as they turned down their hearing aids. We found our seats on the back row, where we wouldn't have to crane our necks at a one hundred eighty degree angle to see the movie. The advertisements before the movie started, which was our cue to put on our attractive glasses. Kristen said to me, "The screen looks funny without the glasses." What I heard, "You look funny with those glasses." I replied with, "YOU LOOK FUN---Oh. Yeah it does." It's moments like this that make me feel like all the other dinosaurs in the theater. An advertisement for the latest Underworld movie appeared to which Kristen said, "Kate Beckinsale is ugly and a bad actress. She always wears that stupid leather suit." So true. During the movie we kept looking sideways at each other when something stupid or questionable happened as all super cool people do. After the movie we headed to Walmart to get groceries and we stopped at the Subway in the Walmart. After deciding what we wanted, we went to get our food. For a while nobody was behind the counter so several loud noises later, a guy that looked like an escaped convict disguised as a Subway employee came out. He said to me, "Eh wat gechuy?" Standing there with big vacant eyes I was furiously trying to figure out what he said. I could hear Kristen's brain whirring to figure out his puzzle language as well. Finally he said louder, "What can I get you?" Feeling like a complete idiot, I sheepishly told him what I wanted. After I told him  he screamed "what?!" I repeated myself. "What?!" One more time. Finally got it. The next painful question came. "Ew wamba to sed?" Not again. What did the tattooed little monkey want this time? "What?", I asked. "DO. YOU. WANT. IT. TOASTED?" "Oh, yes.""What?!" "YES!!!" After Kristen went through the same painful process of shouting at Charles Manson what she wanted we finally were able to eat. We got the groceries and went home afterward, and slept of our misery like slugs covered in salt.

Movies with Lindsay: Immortals

Not too long ago my sister Kristen and I decided to see the movie Immortals in the theater just for kicks and giggles.

 Turns out this movie wasn't all that giggle inducing. Don't get me wrong, it was a great movie but some things threw me for a loop. First off was the villain of the movie. What is up with his helmet? I mean seriously. Of all of the intimidating helmets that he could have chosen he decided to pick this:

"Red Lobster gift cards for everybody! But first you must die."

If I were a villain I would not go with the lobster hat. Personally, from a distance I would think that he was a really pointy rabbit with some serious issues. I think that this helmet also makes it very tempting to just stab his face rather than be afraid of him. However, his sissy sense of fashion does not make him any nicer, as he pokes peoples eyeballs until they bleed and the person keels over and dies and has his goons smash people's crotches with a hammer. Speaking of goons, check this guy out:

"You having fun yet you little biotch!?!?"

This guy is a pure pile of psycho mixed with heavy breathing. Even after having his chest repeatedly smashed with his own club, he just laid there breathing heavily like an over excersized beached whale. Eventually the hero of the story (Theseus) sliced his abnormally large head off. That takes care of his lungs being in hyper-drive. Next up on the butcher block; this lady:

"I'm weird!"

My problem with her is how quickly she was willing to show her bottom to the camera. And what a majestically big bottom it was. Here it is:

Huge, isn't it?

My theory is that butt lady was preparing to rip off her dress, so she had some velcro to hold it on until she thought it was a good time to sit on the camera with her bare bum. Desperate much? I'd say yes. My other theory about this scene is that they hired some homeless pervert to film her Texas sized butt while slobbering like a rabid pig while snorting happily. Seems logical right?

Overall, I really like this movie. I do not recommend that the squeamish or big bum haters go to this movie though. Pervs and/or steel stomachs will really enjoy this movie though. If you have a steel stomach, but you are not a perv (like me) just cover your eyes and scream loudly during the bottom scene, so not only do you not see or hear it, but you bother everyone else in the theater or room.

Movies with Lindsay: The Beaver

Let me start off by saying that this is the stupidest movie that I have ever seen. Basically a super drunk depressed Mel Gibson finds a beaver puppet in the trash, and he uses the beaver to talk for him. With an Australian accent. (Eye roll) This movie was supposed to be a comedy, but it was more of a horror movie if you ask me. See what I mean:

"I eat the souls of children mate."

Now if you combine this murderous Australian garbage beaver with Mel Gibson, you get this:

Attractive, no?

 Eventually the angry Beaver puppet drives Mel Gibson's family apart, and beats Gibson nearly to death (which was the funniest part of the movie) so he resorts to cutting his arm off with a table saw. This makes complete sense, since it is impossible to take off a puppet. Overall this movie sucked and I hate its guts.

Photoshop Mischief

I got an email from a friend, asking me to edit a photo for her. Here is the original email with the original picture:

I don't like the background. Make it cute! :)

Here is my response: 

Here you go.

Her response:
Okay that's not what a meant!!!! Hahahahah


Me:
Oh sorry. How about this?

Her response:
Hahaha that's funny.


Me: 
Or maybe you prefer this one?

Her response:
I like how its a close up like that!! :) just take away the funny looking pink thing and put a soft color background, like a vintage color. Make it look like something I would want to put as my profile.


Me:
The pink thing has a name and feelings you know.


Her:
Hahahah which is?


Me: 
A very ugly hat.


Her:
True that!!!!


Me:
I kinda want one.