Things I Don't Have That I Probably Should Get

I'm missing a lot of things in my life, and since I lack the energy to care it's probably going to stay that way for a long time. I think the thing that has been the most annoying lately, is the fact that I do not own a pencil sharpener. I have to sit over the garbage like some sort of troll and use a knife to make my pencils have a point. I feel like some sort of cannibalistic island dweller sharpening sticks to defend my territory. I might as well replace my TV with a barrel full of garbage lit on fire and replace my bed with newspapers from the early 60s to complete the hobo theme I have going on. It doesn't help that I usually have garbage (usually soda cans and cookie crumbs/wrappers) and clothes strewn all over the floor. Sometimes I even have papers on the floor with bite marks, courtesy of my ravenous niece (who currently thinks she is a dog). Here is an illustration of something else she likes to take a bite out of:

A typical interaction between my niece and I.

Something else I am missing is the guts to yell at people that sneeze on me. I can't express in words how much I hate being sneezed on. Recently, it seems like I am s sneezing range as everyone is firing their snot on me. Maybe people are allergic to me or something. I dunno. Whatever the reason, I hate it, and I am slowly descending into a spiral of germaphobia.

A very accurate depiction of me being sneezed on.

Not only do people sneeze on me, but the amount of people sneezing around me has increased. Or maybe I'm just noticing more sneezy people now that I'm entering my germaphobe spiral. Lately, my sneezy niece (the same one that likes to bite me) has been targeting me to disgust by sneezing out snot webs onto her hands, and laughing hysterically when I screech in horror by what has come out of her face.

Terrifying level: To the MAX!

I think the main thing that I am currently lacking at the moment is money. Like most college students, my natural habitat is poverty and exhaustion land. I have this fantasy that one day some wealthy well-groomed money face will one day be extremely tired of hauling all that money around in their wallet and become annoyed with how large the numbers are getting in their bank account, and in their annoyance they just give all of their money to the first person they see. Which I hope will be me. Since this is extremely unlikely, as I avoid going outside and socializing with anyone as much as I possibly can, I will continue to dig through couches and hope that I find some change. Oh yeah and my job. That's right. I have a job. So I guess life would be perfect if I could get my claws on a pencil sharpener, guts, and money. On a side note, I am open to any donations.