Movies with Lindsay: Cloverfield

Ah Cloverfield. This movie is great. But that's because it ended exactly how I wanted it to. But more of that later. This movie is about a group of people that try to survive a monster attack on Manhattan. Here's the cute little monster:

"I can pick my nose with my teeth!"

This movie was great because everyone died. I have always wanted to see a movie where everyone dies in the end, so I was super happy with the ending, as I kept hoping everyone would die sooner than they did. The characters are whiny and annoying, so the monster really did viewers a favor by killing them. My problem with this movie is that the military bombed the monster, and that just pissed it off. BOMBS EXPLODE MONSTERS. That's the rule that they broke in this movie, which was stupid. I mean, c'mon bombs are bombs. It's not like they were throwing toothpicks at it. But whatever. They died, so I'm happy.

Video Games with Lindsay: Skyrim (Xbox 360) Part 1

"I was born to be a lunch lady."

Skyrim. Named the game of the year by E3. Now it's in my filthy little meat hooks, and I've been devoting my life to it for months. My character is a Nord named Dean. Now Dean has acquired many followers during my gameplay; including Iona. Iona is a female with a voice like an upset stomach. She always said clever things such as, "Look a cave. There could be bandits in there. Or worse." She said this EVERY TIME she saw a cave, which was immensely annoying to me. On a quest you are required to command your companion to act as a sacrifice. Iona was my choice. Even though I had given her beautiful Daedric armor, I had had enough of her deep lesbian voice. I was tired of turning around to see her ugly mug looking back at me. She was the ultimate symbol of my deep found annoyance of her character. I don't know what crazy homeless lesbian they found to do her voice, but I hope they never hire this woman again. Every time I heard her voice my spine curled and my intestines growled like a chainsaw stuck in a fence. Iona raised all of these complex emotions inside of me. She stole my kills, she blocked doors, and always made obvious observations that a squirrel on acid could have seen. Here's the beautiful armor I gave to this horrible woman:

Gorgeous, no?

Finally after weeks of traveling with Iona I killed her, and she was replaced by a perky young woman who is the House Carl in Solitude. She's happy, obedient, and quiet. Just like I like it.

Video Games with Lindsay: Surviving High School (iOS)

This game is incredibly dramatic. You do one wrong thing and it haunts you for the rest of the gameplay. So I created my character by the name of SlickWilly and decided to do EVERYTHING wrong. And by everything I mean everything. First the introductions:

"I'll comment on your name later."

First we meet Beth; the all around American cheerleader. Blond, blue eyed stereotypical girl. Of course. Then here comes SlickWilly. Greasy haired SlickWIlly. He tries to make a move on Beth immediately because SlickWilly is slick like a perverted little snake. Here's how it went down:

Of course SlickWilly picked option number 2.

She got upset for some reason.

This kept going for a while until tactful SlickWilly said this:

Nice save.

Little miss muffet replied:

He's always had that effect on people. Even his mother.

SlickWilly has always been suave. Later the little scum got in a fight for attempting to hit on blue eyes. After being repeatedly punched in the stomach, he was supposed to register for classes, when the helpful counselor said this:

Sounds like my high school counselor. Except I was the one doing the beating.

After registering for three, count 'em, three whole classes SlickWilly went to his first class. English. SlickWilly was greeted by the high school jock.

Handsome, no?

After the little nerd informs SlickWilly that there is a quiz every Monday (for some cruel reason) SlickWilly informed 'Spud' that he knew about the quizzes already. This went over extremely well.

Snot nosed little bozo.

It was then time for SlickWilly's first quiz. This was the teacher's general reaction to SlickWilly and his slick ways of life. 

"Just like marijuana farms!"

Here is the result of SlickWilly's quiz:

SlickWilly is the brightest of the bunch.