The Time I Shot a Spider in the Face

On the weekends, I usually go home to visit my parents, and often take care of things they don't want to do. For example: I made a calendar for my mom with all of our relatives birthdays on it, I often fix various computer/printer problems (that stupid printer), and am the hitman for any disgusting creature residing in my parents' yard. On such occasion, there was a giant spider with an egg sac (even typing that gives me the shivers) that my mother wanted taken care of. Since I am a psycho path, I decided to do this with an airsoft shotgun. I like to enjoy my work, okay? 

Anyways, I went to take a look at the rumored spider, described as, "the size of an octopus". I looked in, and there it was. It had it's back turned to me, but it seemed to sense my presence because it whipped it's head around. It glared at me with all 8 eyes, and seemed to make some sort of hissing noise.

My mother's mailbox is orange. I wasn't on acid when this happened.

First of all, I was completely grossed out by it's nasty egg sac (shiver), and secondly I hated this spider more than I usually hate spiders. It was totally rude. This is when I decided to be rude back. I took my airsoft shotgun, and shot the egg sac. It exploded into a million pieces, and the expression on that spiders face was probably one of the best things I had ever seen. I never thought spiders could have an expression, other than gross, but this spider was obviously devastated. I've never seen anything like it.

A photo accurate depiction.

I swear I heard it screaming. It was in so much distress. Since I'm a cruel, heartless creature I found this ridiculously entertaining. Eventually the spider began to ask me questions with it's gross eyes.

Girl please. I do this to all the spider mothers.

I then became too irritated with the spider looking sad at me, so I shot it directly in the face. I have never seen so many legs projectile fly like that before in my life. In fact, I have never seen any projectile legs in my life. My mom saw the whole incident, and was probably shocked into silence by my appalling behavior and maniacal laughing.

Here is proof that the event in question occurred, and that my mother's mail box is indeed orange. You're welcome.