A couple of months ago, I was informed by my boss that I was being laid off. This came as no surprise to me; I was practically being paid to stare at the wall all day from lack of work.
Once the despair finally worked its way out of my system enough that I could tell what a computer was, I began the frustrating task of applying to jobs. Not to be dramatic or anything, but I applied to probably a hundred million jobs and got maybe a dozen interviews. The first of which was to a call center for the hard of hearing. In essence, I would listen to phone calls and speak it into a headset where it would then type itself up on a fancy computer program. In other words, I had no idea what I was doing and I still don’t.
So they started me off with a typing speed test which I passed easily. Then came the hard part; trying the actual job bit. I put the headset on and prayed to every deity and Superman that I could do the job right. I listened to the recording, trying to repeat it word for word into the mic. I lost track of what was being said fairly quickly and began apologizing profusely. I glanced at the screen that was typing what I was saying to see:
“Hey baby. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I can’t do this I’m sorry!” Seeing as how the recording said “hi grandma” not “hey baby” I was doubly embarrassed. The next four tries didn’t get any better. Needless to say, I did not get the job.
The next interview I went to was at a glasses store. I would be (surprise!) selling eye glasses. The interview went fairly well...at first. Then this happened:
Interviewer: “So tell me your 3 best qualities.”
Me: “I’m dependable. I’m trustworthy. And umm….I’m….*blank stare*....honest! Yes honest. I am. Honest, I mean. Honest. Me. I am honest.”
I got a skeptical look from the interviewer, and she starting taking a suspicious amount of notes for such a short answer.
This was the exact moment that my throat decided to seize up and I felt a cough rising to the surface. I tried holding it in, turning my face the same color as my red hair.
Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore and tried to cough out of the side of my mouth. This turned into a choking/snorting noise that made my eyes water. After one more skeptical look from the interviewer, she asked her next question. “How do you feel about telling white lies?”
I looked at her, with watering eyes and said, “Huh?” very dignified.
She said, “A white lie? Like telling someone they look good even if they don’t? That sort of thing.”
Me: “Oooh a white lie. They’re okay I guess. I mean I wouldn’t tell my sister she looks bad even if she does. Ya know what I mean?” I chuckled. She glared. My nervous laugh immediately died.
Interviewer: “Part of the job is being honest with people.”
Me: “Oh yes, I’m honest with people….except my sister….sometimes….” Crap. I had told her one of my best qualities was honesty. Which I lied about. Which I was caught lying about. In a job interview.
I decided this would be a good time to leave. I tripped out with my socks jingling (it’s where I hide my car keys, smart I know). Again, needless to say, I didn’t get the job. Thank heavens I got my old job back not too much later. I don’t think unemployment and I get along well enough to make it a long term thing.
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| Pictured Above is Kristen Foote Hobbies include: Peering around corners, slamming doors, looking at picture books, and critiquing cartoons. |
